You might be a fencer if

You might be a fencer if ...

• You keep advance-lunge distance during marital or business quarrels
• Yard work and house moving don't make you sore. You're ALWAYS sore.
• You've given and gotten bruises from most of your friends.
• When you meet a stranger for the first time, your first thought is 'I could take him.'
• You try to look pudgy and slow so people will underestimate you.
• You're used to spending Saturday night recovering from Saturday afternoon.
• You worry more about getting enough to eat than about getting too much.
• Your cubicle at work features a large collection of 2nd and 3rd place medals
• You have to hold your hand over your mouth during the fencing scenes at a movie.
• Your Significant Other doesn't mind guns around the house.. but won't let you keep a sword.
• On being given an antique sword, your first impulse is to try it out -- but you find you can't hold it properly.
• You carry your USFA card laminated in your wallet -- and try to use it as ID.
• You have trouble finding pants which fit both legs.
• You can rewire a foil or epee faster than you can change your oil.
• The last time you tried to play swords with a rolled-up newspaper, you nearly killed your opponent.
• Your dreams are filled with clanks and thuds.